Why am I speaking about perfectionism right now? As a result of perfectionism is one thing that I’ve handled for so long as I can keep in mind, but it surely’s just lately come to my consideration (through a snarky commenter on a latest put up who thought she was setting me straight) that non-perfectionists might not really now what perfectionism is, or the way it impacts individuals who cope with perfectionism.
On this individual’s snarky feedback (the place she additionally insinuated that I’ve horrible work ethic, that I ought to end my very own initiatives earlier than anticipating a handyman to complete them for me (lol…what?), and that I ought to be capable of set up a shutter on a stone home in just some minutes with a nail 😂), she mentioned, “Rolling my eyes onerous on the “I’m a perfectionist” mantra once you’re leaving issues unfinished for therefore lengthy…”
Whereas I may snicker on the different nonsense, that a part of her remark truthfully confused the heck out of me. That made as a lot sense as saying to an individual who suffers from agoraphobia, “Rolling my eyes onerous on the “I’m an agoraphobic” mantra once you haven’t even left your own home for 12 months.” Ummm…yeah. The worry of leaving one’s home is a tell-tale signal of agoraphobia. And what are the tell-tale indicators of perfectionism? The worry of beginning a brand new mission, procrastination, having unfinished initiatives, and taking means longer than mandatory (i.e., for much longer than non-perfectionists) to complete a mission.
I assume folks like my snarky commenter consider {that a} perfectionist is somebody whose home is actually excellent — all of the initiatives are finished, every thing is clear, nothing is ever misplaced. Perfectionists reside in excellent environment, proper?
Ha! Nothing could possibly be farther from the reality! And also you don’t even should take my phrase for it. There are actually 1000’s of articles on websites like Psychology Today and Good Therapy that specify what perfectionism is, and the way it impacts folks. It’s virtually by no means good. In reality, you’d be onerous pressed to discover a single article that describes a perfectionist as an individual who has all of it collectively, whose initiatives are all completed, whose home is ideal, whose work product is ideal, and so forth. That’s simply merely not what perfectionism is.
I’ve struggled with perfectionism for so long as I can keep in mind. Do I like issues to be excellent? Completely! Do I count on the issues I do and what others do for me to be excellent? YES!! And therein lies the issue. There’s no such factor as perfection. Irrespective of how onerous we attempt, none of us will do issues completely. And that need for perfection together with the data (and worry and dread) that issues won’t ever be excellent is the place the stress lies for perfectionists like myself.
There are two predominant ways in which my perfectionism has affected me all through my life, and I can guarantee you that each of them are irritating even to me, and onerous to reside with at occasions.
Struggling to get began on initiatives:
I can very simply get caught within the planning section of a mission. I provide you with a plan, scrap that plan, begin over on the plan, tweak the plan, discover new concepts to include into the plan, begin over on the plan once more, and on, and on, and on the cycle goes. Why? Due to worry that I’d begin the mission with an imperfect plan in hand, after which find yourself with a horrible consequence.
So I get caught within the planning section, and that section can final weeks, or months, and even years, relying on the mission. What it seems to be prefer to the remainder of the world is procrastination or laziness. And whereas it could appear to be that, what the world doesn’t see is the turmoil occurring contained in the minds of us perfectionists. We need to begin on the mission. We need to get it finished. However the worry of not getting it good prevents us from leaping in with each ft and simply getting began.
Struggling to complete initiatives:
Struggling to complete initiatives is the results of worry or dread that the right imaginative and prescient that I see in my head received’t be the fact once I’m truly completed with the mission. And that actuality is nearly insufferable.
I discover this about myself with virtually each mission I do. I’ve at all times referred to as it my “90% rule”. I’ve observed that my constant conduct is that once I get to the 90% full mark on nearly any mission, I wish to stroll away and begin on one thing new.
It’s not as a result of I don’t have the eye span to finish it, and it’s not a scarcity of self-discipline. It’s a results of perfectionism. I at all times have this excellent imaginative and prescient in my thoughts of what a mission will appear to be when it’s completed, and the concept that the precise completed mission might not reside as much as that picture in my thoughts causes me a lot stress and dread that I simply wish to stroll away.
Similar to I did on the primary half of the room, I drew my line down the middle of the room (perpendicular to the entrance wall of cupboards and the again French doorways), after which working from the beforehand completed half of the room and the middle perpendicular line, I traced the squares on the facet of the room subsequent to the breakfast room.
However then I completely couldn’t make myself begin on the opposite facet. Why? Due to an awesome sense of dread that the areas towards the wall on the opposite facet wouldn’t come out completely even with those on this facet…
I sat there on the ground and deliberate and contemplated and questioned how I may get them completely the identical. I knew I couldn’t, and that led to an absolute sense of dread. Because of that feeling, my pure response was to keep away from it altogether. I didn’t wish to end tracing the squares. I wished to stroll away, keep away from it utterly, and begin on one other mission.
I wished to stroll away and simply be completely proud of the excellent imaginative and prescient I had in my head of what the ground ought to appear to be in a excellent world. So what did I do? I sat on the ground, telephone readily available, and listened to an audio e book whereas scrolling Instagram for about half-hour. Perhaps longer. I actually don’t know as a result of I type of misplaced monitor of time. I simply wished to keep away from the state of affairs and get misplaced in an ideal world I may create in my thoughts. In different phrases, I procrastinated.
After a time frame, I lastly made myself stand up and end tracing these squares, with a pit in my abdomen the entire time as a result of I knew there was no option to get it excellent. And afterwards, was it excellent? No! In fact not! Perfection isn’t one thing that’s ever attainable, and that bothers me tremendously. However that’s the fact of dwelling in the actual world versus dwelling with the right pictures in my thoughts.
In order that’s perfectionism. It may be brutal generally. It’s not a peaceable option to undergo life.
The excellent news for me is that running a blog for the final 16 years has been one of the therapeutic methods for me to cope with my very own perfectionism, and to search out more healthy methods to cope with it (like permitting myself to redo initiatives as many occasions as wanted to ensure that me to be proud of the end result). And I do assume I’ve gotten higher, and located extra peace in my thoughts, because of running a blog.
The actual fact is that if I weren’t a blogger who shared my initiatives very publicly, there’s in all probability no means I may have turned these rooms…
…into these completed rooms…
If I have been simply attempting to do that by myself and privately, each single mission in each single room of my home can be left 90% full as a result of that’s the place my thoughts simply naturally checks out and strikes on to one thing new. That means, I might by no means be compelled to reside with the discrepancies between the fact of my completed (and imperfect) initiatives and the right visions I had in my head. If every thing have been left at 90% full, I may have the enjoyable of working with my arms and doing enjoyable issues, whereas on the similar time, avoiding a complete lot of dread and disappointment when my initiatives don’t end up excellent (which they by no means do, as a result of once more, perfection isn’t truly attainable).
So whereas my perfectionism did trigger me to take longer on the ground than was mandatory, and take a look at for a bit whereas I averted the uncomfortable actuality of the imperfection of the ground design, are you aware what made me not stroll away utterly from that ground mission this week?
You. You probably did. The entire individuals who learn my weblog, who wish to see progress on my initiatives, and who count on (finally) to see a completed product. That accountability that this weblog and all of you carry to my life has helped me tremendously in my very own wrestle with perfectionism. I nonetheless reside with it, and a few of my initiatives do take longer because of it. However at the very least I do finally get them finished (or most of them, at the very least), and I’ve a home stuffed with lovely (to me) rooms that I might be pleased with. I wouldn’t have that with out the accountability that running a blog has delivered to my life.
Addicted 2 Adorning is the place I share my DIY and adorning journey as I rework and beautify the 1948 fixer higher that my husband, Matt, and I purchased in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do bodily work, so I do nearly all of the work on the home on my own. You can learn more about me here.
